2 Stories About Butts

#1
I am amazed at the stink that emits from my child. Oliver farts like a 70 year old man who just had his fill from the Sizzler. Its almost not human. So you can imagine how its been now that he has only been pooping every few days now. MY LORD! First off, when he farts each one last for what seems like minutes, and I must admit that I am impressed. So, every other day or so after many toot trains, it comes. He gives a low grunt and out comes his crowning achievement.
I swear that it looks as if you microwaved an entire jar of Jiff and dumped it into his diaper. It is truly amazing, I am in awe of his tush!
After, he seems almost high an will nap. I have given birth to a true man!!

#2
So today was my first day back at the gym. I was bent when I realized that my Ipod was not charged. I would have to revert to my 2 other favorite gym activities to keep me occupied while working out: 1) imagining what I would do with powerball winnings, 2) checking out the other gym goers.
Today seemed pretty dull. As I was picturing my new shore house I saw her. It began as nothing too funny. She was on her treadmill; punching it out and raising the roof. Funny, but every gym has the enthuastic treadmiller.
After about 30 minutes on the eliptical I moved into the weight room to stretch and do some ab work. The same woman was on a mat and doing some ab stuff too. As I got into the plank position I heard someting..."SMACK!" what? I turn my head to the left and glance at the woman, she is doing leg lifts. I turn back to my plank and hear the noise again..."SMACK!" I decide that I am missing something big here and roll onto my back to do some regular crunches.
I then see the origin of the noise. This woman is smacking her own ass!
After a few leg lifts, she smacks her ass! I know that its good to feel the burn...but really?
I almost can't believe it. I have to leave...I cannot be serious with someone smacking their own ass. I love the YMCA!


I hope everyone has a smack ass kind of day!