Sunday, May 27, 2007

On Playing Dad

An old friend of mine asked some advice on what to expect/ anticipate since he is embarking on the crazy journey of parenthood. I guess that I can only speculate as to what my poor husband had to deal with when I was pregnant with little Jack. So here goes:

1) When I was in my first trimester I was really ill. I threw up 3 times a day for 3 months straight. Some hints for the hubby: Don't expect dinner all the time. I know my dear friend cooks, and cooks WELL. But my man doesn't. I couldn't stand the idea of raw meat in my hands. I really don't know what Sage ate for those three months. He probably snuck off to his mothers house. Also, my sense of smell was through the roof. Know that even if your wife loves a certain cologne- you may have to stop using it. Sage was all about his foot sprays, and was not allowed to spray them in the bedroom- I would smell it- even hours after initial spray.

2) Sex... either she wants it or not. Take advantage of the times she does- because you never know when you'll get it again.

3) I had this weird wave of nausea that would come over me at times. Especially if I was drying my hair. The only thing that helped was COLD water and baby carrots. I don't understand why, but whatever she needs in those times- just do it. You'll get out the door a lot quicker.

4) Try and bond with the belly even if you think its dumb. It always made me feel so good when Sage would kiss my belly goodnight. You see its easy for us to feel connected to the baby. More than anything we want to share what we feel with you. So take any opportunities to connect with the little one inside.

5) Doctor's appointments. I was a hard ass wife and made Sage go to every one of my visits. Your wife may not make you do so. There really is no need except for the initial "heartbeat" one and any ultrasounds. Sage never complained about this although he did mention it after jack was born. Don't miss hearing the heartbeat and seeing the ultrasound, I know this was a big help in Sage realizing that he really was going to be a dad. I just wanted Sage's support, and I hated parking in Lankaneau's garage. During the appointments, Sage would busy himself by stealing sterile unused instruments to stir his coffee with.

6) Towards the end. I was a bear. I felt like ass, and I was just done being pregnant. I would cry for no reason, and God forbid there was a cute Johnson & Johnson commercial on. There is nothing you can do. Just be there and let her talk irrational. Tell her she's beautiful.

7) During labor, I remember Sage making me laugh. I remember when the told me that I needed a C-section. I was never more scared in my life. Through the tears I remember Sage's eyes staring at me, smiling and holding my hand.
Some guys get really grossed out by gooey pregnant stuff. Get over it. You don't have to watch anything but your wife. You are not delivering the baby- so if anything bugs you out, just look at her. Be there for her.

8) Be prepared for really uncomfortable sleeping arrangements. nuff said! This also applies to pregnancy when your wife may need 14 pillows arranged in a certain way- go with it!

9) Before your family comes home- Go and clean up the house. I don't care if you hate to do so. A woman will not be able to come home to a mess and be able to leave it knowing that people may show up at any time from that point on. Set up any last minute baby items- swings, bassinets- etc...

10) She may breast feed or not....regardless be supportive of whatever she chooses to do. Sometimes latching can be difficult and stressful for the mom. Everybody is telling her what they did. Just support your wife. Also offer as much nighttime help as you can. She will be really tired and so will you. I know you have to go to work, but coming from my perspective- I don't give a shit. Help.

11) This kind of relates to # 11. Your and her families will have a wealth of advice for you. And by wealth I don't always mean good. Please for the love of God- Don't tell your wife "Well, my aunt said this...." Offer advice only when asked for it. Alot of becoming a parent is just learning by messing up. Being a mom is so scary. The love and nurture comes naturally. But at 3:22 am when she is cross eyed with exhaustion- just go with what she says- or just let her sleep.

12) My hair started falling out 3 months after Jack was born. I looked like a stuck pig and felt like Homer Simpson. Sage told me I looked beautiful. Only later after I started to regrown hair and regain my figure did he begin to laugh about the hair issue. Don't hate on him. This is how our relationship works. We play nice up until we feel it's an appropriate time to make fun of one another.

13)Sex...again. Just because you've reached the six week point doesn't mean that your wife is ready for sex. She might still be in pain, or may feel vulnerable. Go by her watch and not the little piece of paper that most men probably hang on the fridge. Oh and if she is breast feeding and you do have sex- look out- you might just get a taste of breast milk.

14) This kid may and will drive you crazy. You will question the point of ever having kids- especially if many of your friends don't yet already. But look into their eyes (and they may be crossed for the first month) and realize that this little person is as my dad said once " The best parts of your mom and me combined".

I hope that this may offer some insight. I know that Sage did his best in being supportive. I know that my hormones were crazy out of control. Sometimes Sage just needed to walk away and let me be.
Also- I never though of this while pregnant with Jack. But up until the little one is born- if you see diapers on sale size 1, 2, 3 BUY THEM- You will never have enough- trust me- I pack of size 1 may last you 3 days.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

This Is Crazy!

This morning Jack woke at about 6:50 am. This is pretty normal. But, today he woke up and was saying "Grandmom, Grandmom, where's Grandmom?" I went in his room and he repeated "Where's Grandmom, gotta call Grandmom, lets go find her."
This threw me off a bit. When we went downstairs he continued. When Sage woke up I said we should call his mom because she hadn't been feeling well. She was fine and Jack spoke to her.
This afternoon I had to go to work and I was giving Jack an early bath so Sage wouldn't have to. My mom was going to watch Jack. She called me to make sure what time I was coming. She said..."OK, well I'm on my way home from the hospital" WHAT!?!?!
She proceeded to tell me that at around 7 am my grandmom had a heart attack.
My Grandmom is fine- She was speaking to my uncle when the pain started so she got to the hospital in time and is coming home on Friday.
I don't know what to say about all this...but I have to wonder. In a way its really beautiful to think that family can be so connected that they know. Whether it was my dad or Boo-Boo giving Jack a message I don't know. But I just found the whole thing a bit overwhelming.
I'm just glad she's OK. I love you mom-mom!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Random Shots From The Past Few Days

Beautiful girl...finally home!
Evelyn gets reved up to go to the fun fair!

Brian had to hold her hand because she almost flew off this slide!

Jack hated this ride...can you tell?

Hanging with Uncle Bri
Oh- i'm pregnant pics though

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Happy Anniversary

We grew up and went to school less than 5 miles away from each other even though his outfit makes him look thousands of miles away.

We met in college. I think he was in a gang or something (j/k). We became fast friends and saw each other go through so many different relationships. Years on we became best friends. He was there for every major time in my life. When my dad died he was the only one who could hug or touch me without me cringing. I remember the night of my dad's funeral he drove me out to watch the airplanes take off. We sat on the hood of his car and I just cried in his arms. He taught me how to live again. He was there for my little brother to lean on too.
Many of the people we dated always questioned our friendship- if they got out of line- they were gone. We were too important to each other.

We finally decided that we should be together. It was a whirlwind romance. We just wanted to be together. Everyone knew that this was just the way it was supposed to be.

Sage proposed in the Hawk Rock during a coffee house. All of our loved ones were there to share our moment.

We were married May 10, 2003. Since then we have had some amazing moments. We've had our ups and downs. But like Sage always says- "We laugh way more than we cry".
Sage, I love you more than all the stars in the sky. I never thought that I'd be lucky enough to marry my very best friend. We've already had so many adventures together- the first to marry, have a kid- and I know we've got so many more roads to cross. I know I drive you nuts, and you me, but there is no place I would rather be, no place that I feel safer, no better father, no better husband, no better best friend. I love you. Happy Anniversary.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Welcome Corrin!

Corrin Elizabeth Doyle
May 7, 2007
6lbs 12 oz
Sassy and Corrin

Big Sis Evy

My big bro, Corrin, and Jenn

Welcome to our crazy world!

Saturday, May 05, 2007

7 Years Gone by

"...but music was his life,
it was not his lively hood.
and it made him feel so happy,
it made him feel so good.
and he sang from his heart
he sang from his soul.
he did not know how well he sang,
it just made him whole..."
-harry chapin
i love you dad