Wednesday, August 29, 2007

CHANGES


So many changes. Sage and I have been talking about the new baby, new rooms, and so many other things recently. I got off the phone with my mom a bit ago and I again was talking about changes.
In the next 18 weeks, Jack will be going through so many changes. First, he is starting a new day care on Monday. I know that he will eventually be fine, but realising that our time home alone together is over really saddens me. In a perfect world I would be able to do what my mom did and stay home until we were all in school. It really chaps my ass that the world just isn't set up that way. The people who can afford to stay home don't...that I will never understand.
The kids I worked with this past summer were amazed that I was a mom. One little boy said that his mom was 51. This coming from a 7 year old. Are you kidding me? The crazier thing is that is the norm. I never wanted to wait until I was financially secure enough to acquire some human ornaments. I don't want to start a fight- I know that many people wait years and years on adoption lists, and that their time to parent comes when it does. But, I love the fact that my mom can take Jack to the park and actually play with him.
The down side to all of this early procreation- money.
More changes for Jack- new room, big boy bed, potty training (God help me here), and a new baby.
I know that everything will work out the way it should. I know Jack will adjust as have millions of big brothers and sisters throughout time. But he's my baby, my worry. Sometimes I want nothing more than to wrap him up and carry him around with me.
I asked my mom a while ago about how she was able to let my brother and I go the park alone. The idea of this petrifies me. My mom replied "For a long time you only thought you were alone, I was standing behind trees and bushes." This made me feel better, because looking back I feel like my brother and I had so much freedom in the summers to just roam. I always looked at my mom as someone who has it together. Kid stuff doesn't get to her. Maybe it seems that way because we 3 have survived childhood and thrived under her care. I just don't want to screw up- too much.
18 weeks left- it just doesn't seem like enough time.

1 comment:

Morning Glory said...

That's AWESOME that your mom spied on you from the bushes!! I used to walk to elementary school when I was in 1st grade...it was around the corner from our house on Long Island...all of maybe 200 yards. Well mom called the school everyday to make sure I got there! There was a short cut I could have taken through some woods but she forbade me to do so. How funny. Of course now, on the brink of being a mom myself, all this makes perfect sense.
I also panicked when I first found out since it was a surprise and worried about the finances. Then I figured there is never a right time...never a time when anyone feels financially sound enough or mentally/emotionally prepared enough and while we planned to try in two years, this was the Man's plan and I'm glad like you that it's now instead of later. I'm young, the 'rents are young.
Change happens.
Love, Chrissie