Thursday, February 01, 2007

As Dreams Go By...


My dad died when I was 20. Probably the suckiest thing that has ever happened to me or anyone else in my family. Again I quote my mom..."it sucks". But I don't want to get into the sad stuff. If you have lost a hero, than you know what the feeling is like. Anyway...
Sage was telling me about a conversation he was having with a friend of ours who also recently lost her dad. She was asking about a dream she had with her father and if he thought it had any meaning.
Now I believe in dreams. I don't go toothpaste sandwich crazy picking apart details, but I believe. I only have had 2 dreams about my dad since he died. But they are so crystal clear, and I have to believe that its him.
The first came months after he died. In the dream we are sitting outside of an airplane. I know my brothers are on either side of me even though i can't see them. Across from us about 20 yards away is my father sitting at a long table next to people I don't know. He had a blanket around his shoulders like a cape. This may sound odd to some of you, but my dad would take naps before dinner. He would just "look at the inside of his eyelids" for a few minutes and when he would come down he would don a blanket around his shoulders. In the dream he was smiling and waving. Also, I for some reason could read lips in this dream. He leaned over to the man to his left and said "those are my kids". He just smiled and waved. I really believe this dream was just to tell me he was ok.
The other dream I had was when I was pregnant. We were not going to find out the sex of the baby. I know you're not supposed to care what you have, but I wanted a boy. It was sort of an unspoken race between me and my married brother to see who would have the first "Jack". Everyone and their mother told me I was having a girl and so I tried to convince myself and settle into the idea of a little me -UGH!
Well into my second trimester I had a dream with my father in it. He is simply standing and holding a baby. That baby was in a blue blanket. In my heart of hearts, I knew I was having a boy. Thinking about this dream still gives me goosebumps- I know he held him.
So, if my dear friend who lost her dad too is reading this- yes it means something. He may just be saying hi-hold onto that!

5 comments:

Janna said...

Even though you will never forget, it's important to remember. I still remember the first time you played that song after your dad died... at katie and heidi's apartment.
And kind of independent but randomly related.... this guy Jack that is living with us commented on your interpretation of my "girl with the wooden face" dream. Hope all is well.

Anonymous said...

smiles...

Elaine said...

Janet...Your Mom sent me a link to your site and I'm so glad I took the time to read it through. It has been an absolute honor to have Kathy and your family in my life.(along with Patty & Tina). I have always said we have 12 kids between all of us. And we are proud of each and everyone!! All your words are so special. A joy to read. Continue with all the good things in your life and the wonderful memories you hold in your heart!! And thanks for sharing you Mom with us all these years. We are truly blessed by our friendships!! God Bless...Elaine

Anonymous said...

oh and...smiles... was from me...stupid passwords!

Linda:)

janet said...

'inda- you're a riot